HOT SEX ARTICLES

You have had a week to try out your new mad skills in reading women’s intentions not to invite you up to their apartment for a drink, and probably some sex. While this list may not be as inspirational as a few tips on how to get that nightcap and some nookie, these insights into a woman’s silent codes will spare you the embarrassment of the poorly timed move, as well as paying for the overpriced dinner. Hang on for five more sure signs that you are not getting any.

6. She’s not drunk: It is a proven fact (for guys I have dated, anyway) that it is much easier to get a girl to drop those prudish notions she might have about “respect” and “playing hard to get” if she has a few martinis in her. I am not saying that you should get her so drunk that she cannot legally consent to sexual intercourse (because that’s assault), but a girl that has a couple of drinks in her will probably begin to find you funnier and more attractive overall. Also, she may drop some of her defenses and be a little flirtier, honest, or at least more obvious if she’s attracted to you. Just because a girl is tossing back drinks does not necessarily mean that you have a better chance with her (chances are just as likely that she’s drinking just to be able to tolerate your company), but your chances are definitely better, and her intentions will become clear fairly quickly.

7. You don’t make her laugh: Aside from obvious physical prowess, the single most attractive quality about a guy is his ability to make a girl laugh. She will forgive all sorts of physical shortcomings, and even some financial ones, if you just make her laugh a lot. When you make a girl laugh, she drops her defenses and is more willing to let you into her life. And there is just something about infectious, belly laughter that lends itself to kissing and other good stuff. If you have gone on one or two dates with a woman, and she find you very interesting, but not particularly funny or charming, it will take you longer to get her into the sack, and to cross that first date awkwardness line. Women do not toss caution into the wind and recklessly sleep with a man who we are hanging with because we respect his intelligence. In the dating world, this kind of guy is the “good girl” equivalent to the guy’s dating world: we will consider him for a long-term investment, but he will not likely be the guy he decide to get nasty with prematurely.

8. She flirts with someone else in front of you: If you are at a restaurant and your date is flirting with the cute waiter, or you are at a gallery opening and you find her talking animatedly in the corner with some pale, hopeless postmodernist, this means that you are not holding her attention even to the end of the date, let alone through the night. When a girl is actively scoping and networking with you in the same room, you don’t have a hope in hell (other than maybe in the form of a pity lay). Either step up the charm (it’s really hot when men compete for our affection) or realize that it probably isn’t there for her.

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9. She takes cell calls during the date: Unless she has a parent who is in the hospital on life support or is a high-powered executive who is fighting off the hostile takeover of her company, there is really no reason that someone should be taking calls while you are on your date. If it’s important, she can check her messages while you are in the can. If she is continually answering her phone throughout the date, however, she either has an elevated idea of her own importance or else she’s just not incredibly interested in you. If she were, her full attention would be on you. There is a possibility that she just has no manners, but do you want to take the chance that you are going to be hearing “Ya, right there, right there, ya! [ring] Oh, I should take this” at an inappropriate moment?

10. Ex talk: One of the most obvious indicators that you are not going to be joining her in her boudoir later that night is if the topic of an ex comes up—either yours or hers. If she brings up her ex, even in passing (especially if she calls him “my ex” instead of by name), you can be sure that either she is not over him (yet not at that angry-rebound sex phase) or the thought of him is going to kill her libido. If you mention your ex, she is going to assume the same about you (you are not over her, and that will kill her libido). There is nothing sexy about ex-lover talk. Not even if it’s a conversation about how she just went to his wedding and she’s so happy for him. There is no excuse for an ex to come up in date talk, other than to send a kill signal or kill the mood.

When women have been in the dating world for a while, we all develop our own ways of trying to repulse men who we are simply not interested in. I had a friend who would chain smoke and make up stories about her family when she got bored on dates. I also had a friend who pretended to go the bathroom and just left. She justified it by saying that he would have done it first if he’d had the guts. Sometimes you both know that the date is going nowhere. Dating would be so much easier if we were required to walk around with coloured balloons stating our intention, but I guess then it would take all the fun out of the dance of scoring and rejection. And who could give all of that up?

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