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You know your marriage is over when you’re dividing up the cups and bowls and fighting over who gets custody of the dog. And the thought of losing the dog makes you cry, but you’d be happy if you never had to see your wife again.

It’s time to move forward with your life, but where do you begin? There’s so much legal mumbo jumbo to sort through that you don’t even know where to start—all you want is a little help so you can relax and get a good night’s sleep again.

Each state has its own grounds for divorce, such as the infamous “irreconcilable differences”. Other grounds for divorce may include adultery, abandonment for one year, imprisonment for three or more consecutive years and cruel and inhuman treatment. For a complete list of divorce requirements by state, visit: http://www.divorcesource.com

In order to get a divorce in some states, such as New York, a couple has to be living apart and separate for one year, as outlined in the terms of their written separation agreement. This separation agreement must also be signed and notarized and a copy filed at the county clerk’s office. Check with your lawyer to see what applies in your state.

In the United States, the proper name for a divorce is an "action for a divorce." This action can be started by filing either a Summons with Notice or a Summons and Complaint in the county clerk’s office and paying the required filing fee. Some terminology may differ from state to state, but in New York for example, the spouse who files for divorce is called the plaintiff and the non filing spouse is called the defendant.

New York divorce law requires that the defendant be personally served with divorce papers, unless the court grants some other means of service. After your spouse has been served, you will begin the pleadings. The purpose of the pleadings is to give sufficient written notice to the opposing side so that they are aware of the allegations and what is being requested from the court. This also allows them to prepare a defense, if appropriate. The pleadings must show one or more grounds for a divorce and state what additional matters (or reliefs), if any, you are asking for such as custody issues, child support etc. Failing to properly request a specific relief at this time may make it impossible for you to seek that relief as part of the divorce, so a properly drafted pleading is absolutely necessary.

Pleadings generally consist of three parts: the verified complaint, the verified answer and the verified reply. The verified complaint, which is prepared and filed by the plaintiff, must allege one or more grounds for divorce and set out any relief, such as custody, visitation, child support, equitable distribution of property etc. The verified answer is the defendant’s response to the complaint. It will admit or deny each of the allegations listed in the complaint. If the defendant wishes to counter sue for a divorce, they may use a counter claim as part of the answer. Finally, the verified reply is the plaintiff’s response to any counter claims made by the defendant.

The longest phase of the divorce is the discovery period between the pleadings and the trial. During the discovery period you will have a preliminary conference, which is a meeting to exchange all financial information such as net worth statements, appraisals of real estate, appraisals of pensions etc. Sometimes an examination before trial is required—also known as a deposition or questions and answers recorded by a court reporter. Next is the compliance conference which makes sure that both sides have all the necessary information to go to trial. Each side will now either agree that discovery is complete or request more time to complete discovery. Once the court determines that discovery is complete, it will the direct the plaintiff to file a Note of Issue and a certificate of readiness, which states that the case is ready for trial. Then the court can set a trial date.

When the case goes to trial, the plaintiff will present his or her case first, call witnesses and submit any documents to support their position. When completed, the defendant then presents his or her case, as well as a counter claim, if any.

After the trial, the court will issue a decision, either in writing or on the record, which will address all the issues of the divorce. Following the decision, one side will prepare actual divorce papers, which mirror the exact terms of the decision. To insure that the proposed judgment and findings match the decision, the papers are served to the opposing attorney for review. All original documents are located in the county clerk’s office and either party of the divorce can review the file and get a certified copy of any document inside.

For more information about separation and divorce specific to your state, please visit: http://www.divorcesource.com or speak with your lawyer or local county clerk’s office.

According to the Canada Divorce Act, a marital separation occurs when one or both spouses decide to live apart with the intention of not living together again. Once you are separated, you still might need to deal with your wife in regards to issues surrounding your children (if you have any), spousal support and the division of your property.

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The Canada Divorce Act recognizes three grounds for a divorce: adultery, cruelty and being separated for one year. Most divorces are granted after a couple has been separated one year because proving adultery or cruelty is expensive and time consuming. You do not need to prove that your spouse was at fault in order to get a divorce after a one-year separation. However, if you are asking for a divorce because of adultery or mental or physical abuse, then you have to prove what happened. If you are asking for a divorce because of marital breakdown, shown by living apart for one year, either of you can ask for a divorce—it doesn’t matter which one of you decided to leave.

Your one-year separation period starts from the time at least one spouse intends to live separate and apart from the other and acts on it. This can occur while both you and your wife are still living in the same house, provided that you are living separate lives. Contrary to popular belief, you do not need a piece of paper or a court order to be “legally separated”.

If you are the do-it-yourself type and choose not to hire a lawyer, the forms you need to fill out are available at government bookstores, some private bookstores and via the Internet in some cases. You must include with your completed forms any parenting arrangements that you have made, including details about financial support for the children. Once you have completed all the forms, you must file them at your local courthouse, pay the necessary court fees and follow the court rules and procedures for your province or territory.

Maybe you are having second thoughts and want to give the marriage one last shot. If you have applied for a divorce in Canada based on the grounds of one-year separation, you can live together for up to 90 days for the purposes of reconciliation. If things don’t work out, you can then continue on with your application for a divorce as if you had not lived together again.

When a couple agrees on all issues, this is called an uncontested divorce. In most provinces and territories, court officials process uncontested divorces and you do not have to appear in court.

However, if you don’t agree on everything, this is a contested divorce and you and your wife must submit court documents about the issues you can’t agree on. The court will then rule on these and will specify the steps you must take in order to resolve these issues before a trial takes place.

This can take a considerable amount of time, so it’s best to sort out all of your issues in a formal separation agreement before you make the divorce application. Your lawyer will prepare this for you and send it to your wife’s lawyer for approval. Your separation agreement will outline things such as the division of property and any necessary child support and visitation schedules.

Before granting a divorce, the judge must be satisfied that the appropriate financial arrangements have been made concerning child support. Who pays child support depends on the child’s living arrangements—the non-custodial parent pays the other parent to help provide for the child. If you have custody of your children, then your wife would pay you child support, even if you earn more than she does. The basic amount paid is based on three things: the payor’s income, the number of children involved and the province or territory where the payor lives. For more information on the child support guidelines, visit the Department of Justice Canada website at: http://canada.justice.gc.ca/en/ps/sup/

In some circumstances, the basic amount of child support paid may change if the children have special expenses, such as childcare or health costs. The amount could also be adjusted to prevent financial hardship for the other parent or the children. Any child support amounts set out in a separation agreement or a court order made after April 30, 1997 do not affect income tax—meaning the person who receives the child support doesn’t have to claim it as income and the person paying the child support cannot deduct the support payments from his or her income.

Once all of these steps have been completed, your divorce proceedings will be set for trial. During the trial, you will have the opportunity to explain your side of things to the judge, who will then make the final decision about the issues you and your wife can’t agree on.

The judge will then review all of the information you have submitted to make sure that you have met all the legal requirements for a divorce. The judge then grants the divorce and sets out his or her decision on any issues that need to be resolved in a divorce judgment. This judgment usually becomes final 31 days after the judge has signed it—you can’t get married again (if you’re so inclined) until these 31 days have passed. Once the judgment is final, you can apply for a Certificate of Divorce, which is legal proof that you are no longer married.

For more information about separation and divorce specific to your province or territory, please visit the Department of Justice Canada website at: http://canada.justice.gc.ca/en/dept/pub/divorce/more_info.html

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